Day 7 the night before.....

So tomorrow I have to weigh myself and see how I have done for this first week. With all the ups and downs I am not expecting a big change. Plus I woke-up again not feeling well and so again I didn't make my own meals and such. I did watch the points better and did not go over today but I did not get the full portion of veggies in or drink all my water. I am sure tomorrow will be a better day in regards to feeling better so keeping on track will be better. Also tomorrow I am going to do my measurements so that every 2 weeks I can see if I have much change there as well... that might be what gets me through the low weigh loss weeks. I am going to start walking around inside CN center tomorrow as well with Sandy. It is free and that is a price I can afford right now and I am sure that it will help with everything. I can't wait for the snow to melt so that I can do my walking and get my bike out. But I need to look at what I can do now and this works. Ok.. my head is still light so this is a short post... also I just noticed that I am all over the place in my thoughts so I think I need some extra sleep... poking stick to get Mike up when kids call in the middle of the night here we come.

Day 6

So today I woke-up not feeling so well. I thought it must be because I was tired so I laid back down while my hubby attempted to watch the kids and let me sleep (the darn kids have sneaky ways of getting past dad and still coming into the room for all sorts of reasons... gotta love them). This caused me not to eat breakfast on time and when I got up I was still feeling like I was fighting against the sandman just to peek my eyes open so I grabbed a quick oatmeal bar and called it done. As the day progressed I was hoping to feel better but I have come to think that I might be catching one of the many colds the kids carry home with them from school. So my wonderful family did most of the cooking and the kids as wonderful as they are brought me snacks so that I would feel better. It started out as not being to bad but by the days end when my dinner was 11 points for just the casserole and that did not include any veggies on the side and I had very few points left I realized that being sick and losing weight don't really go hand in hand. I also realized how many junk food snacks we have in the house without planning it. Mike is the type of person who can eat and eat and eat and never gain a pound so he eats what he wants and the kids are the same way. So I guess I never really thought about what I bought and had stored in the house. So many of the kids snacks that w grab for school have so much sugar in them and of course I love to bake so I almost always have a stock of cookies or something on hand. We have have a lot of dear friends who like to help us out so they drop off snacks and baked goods as well. as a matter of fact I have been killing myself this week trying to not dive into the box of Nanaimo bars in the freezer that the school gave us when it was donated to them from Costco. So take all that and what do you get when your family ( 10 year old and under) want to take care of you... a day that goes way over your points and doesn't quite fill in the veggie quota for the day. So now I guess I also need to begin a process of changing over all the foods in the house, and I think at the same time a lotof my favorite recipes (like my cookies) so that not only and I'm eating healthier but the whole family is. Maybe by doing this the kids will have a better chance of never having to go through what I am right now, especially little Claudia, and they will have better lives when they are grown. So tomorrow I will pick a small section of the snacks and take out what is not great and look up and write on my grocery list an alternative and I will work on fixing one recipe. Hmmmmm maybe if I plan to fix a recipe every couple of days and post them here, by the time I am done this program I will have a whole book worth of recipes that I can share with my friends and family for gifts. I guess this will also make me more concious of what I am cooking because for te most part I am a throw together kinda cook, so we have never really had many meals the same way twice. Mike is going to love this idea because it frustrates him when he goes to make one of his favorite foods that I cook and can't because there is no recipe to follow. I think tomorrow I will start with my cookies though. I am an Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookie fanatic and I truely believe mine are the best so to take that and make it healthier and still be great will be a fun challenge and a great way to keep my self from feeling deprived while I go through this change. Yep that is my plan for tomorrow... that and extra exercise from todays fall down.

Day 5

So maybe I might have stumbled across part of my metabolism problem and why my ancient genes kicked in. On Days like today when I am so busy between kids and work and everything else that goes on in this little world of mine I don't eat like I should. I didn't eat a big breakfast and I didn't have much for lunch until later on in the day and when super came around I still had over 2/3 of my points left! Now maybe that seems silly to some people who would be rejoicing about not haven eaten too many calories and such but that fact is that unless I eat an even amount of food each day I will not lose weight. I have never really kept track before so never noticed that there were times when I didn't eat much. No wonder my body feels it has to save up as much as it can for famines... I put it through mini ones all the time without realizing it. So here I am trying to fit a ton of points into the last part of my day, but not to do it all at once so that I get over full and then feel like I am starving and go over my points when it comes to my nighttime snack needs. It wasn't easy but I did it and now I am going to enjoy the last part of my points with a bowl of buttered popcorn and watch a good movie before bed. I am making the note that I need to be more aware of spreading my points out more evenly through the day while still having my night time goodies.

On the other side of good news today My friend went to her first meeting and she is going to be doing this with me. It is nice not to be alone in this. Not that I was really alone, my Mom is kind of doing it but she is the type that doesn't really follow the whole plan and keep track and I needed someone with me who is doing the whole thing. Thank-you Sandy for being such a great friend and here's to looking forward to good news two times a week, yours and mine.

Day 4 and I am better

So after the breakdown yesterday I really sat down and thought about what I was doing and thought about why this would bother me. Well I have decided that it is because I am trying to control my emotional eating and my emotions don't like that. I have never really had many other places to vent myself after the kids came along and I lost the time and space to do my artwork or many other things I use to do all the time. I miss dancing every weekend and feeling like a person rather than a "Mom" all the time. Not that I don't like being a Mom, I Love It, I just don't feel like some of myself survived the transition. I guess that is really what I am angry about.... not angry, Sad. I am not giving my family all I have to give because I lost some it. That is what I fighting to get back, me so that my family can have all of me. So today was a lot better day because I kept that in mind. It felt good to have tacos with the kids but to not go over board. It even felt good to reach for something else than the bag of chocolate sitting next to me when Things went bad tonight with the kids. I know I will get through this although I am sure I am going to have many more days like yesterday and I will have to start all over again. But for today I will enjoy my small triumph of this being the first day I didn't go over my point and have to use my extra... YAH ME!!!

Day 3 and I am Cranky

Okay I don't know if it is just me or if everyone goes through this but I am annoyed today at having to weigh and measure my food. Or that when I pulled a meal I had precooked before I had started this program so I couldn't remember what I had put in it so I wasn't able to figure out the points for the meal so while my family sat and enjoyed it I had to make a second meal for me. After a long day I didn't want to cook and by the time the kids were in bed I was mad and sat down with a box of ritz crackers (the whole wheat ones so I was still kinda being good) and the last of my Philly light cream cheese and dipped them like I would chips. I felt better at first but then mad that I had let myself lose that control for a minute. I figured out how many I had eaten and probably over estimated a little and tracked it but I can't stand the feeling of not having control or freedom at the same time. I know it will get better but how do I handle moments like I had today better until then so that I don't feel like I am falling? Anyone have a miricle out there for me to spare? Ahh... oh well I will make it through this and I have still not gone over my points for the week so I am okay and after this I am going to go have a boxing match with Mike on the Wii and work in some activity points so I can have some extra and even better about myself. I am not looking forward to tomorrow when I have to attend a function at the school with the MLA there and all those goodies as we start the cities Smart Start Programs for the little kids officially. Wish me luck.

Day 2

So I have come to decided that I am a Night time Eater/ Snacker. I think it must be because the house is quiet from the kids going to bed and I can finally focus on me. Now most days I end up missing meals during the day as I don't have time to think about hungry I am. Now I do with the program but Habits over 11 years have been formed and tonight even though I wasn't particularly hungry I felt like I needed to snack. I probably could of resisted more but at the meeting I went to with my Mom today (her car was in the shop and needed a ride so I joined in) they said you shouldn't fight those feeling that what the weekly points were for so I gave in a little to a few crackers with light cream cheese and 3 (yep only 3 ) mint Kisses. It was went I sat down at the computer and saw that I had forgot to put away one left over bowl of the chilli I had made for dinner sitting on the table I lost it and said that's it I am going to eat. so I had a second bowl of Chilli and I feel better now and no longer have that craving but I have only half my extra points left for the rest of the week. I think I need to either plan better so I have extra points for this time of night or try to get my body on a better schedule. So the at the end of the night I had used 50.5 points for the day and I am suppose to try to stick to 38. Thank heavens for the extra 35 for the week but I need to make sure I don't use them all at once if this is the way I am going to eating. Well off to Bed. I am hoping for a good nights sleep tonight so that I have more control over my body tomorrow, as I am sure sleep deprivision is probably one of the main causes in my body`s low balance.

So today is the start...

So I have been having troubles losing weight over the past almost 11 years, since I started having kids. After a total of 7 kids later (we adopted the first one out because his family was waiting for him) I have gained well over a hundred pounds from what I was in high school.

I have been to the doctor before about the weight gain because I am not an unhealthy eater for the most part and I have even done person training 3 times a week for an hour each time and I still gained weight. The Doctors have told me it is inherited that I have a low metabolism and there for my ancestors were "good healthy peasant stock" and they did not starve during famines but it makes for a hard time for me. They offered me drugs but I hate taking drugs if I don't have to. I was stuck with having to wait until I was done having kids and finished with breast feeding before they could do anything. So I am here at this point. No more kids for me and I want and need things to change. I have decided to start this out with a membership to Weight Watchers to see if getting things in control. I have chosen the online route as it forces me to record more and be more aware than meetings do plus I have more freedom on when to do weighing since my days are never the same twice.

As an added incentive to work hard and to keep track of my body and what I am doing to beat my "inheritance" I have decided to include my blog as my way of posting the good and bad of this next adventure. I will be looking good for August when we have my husbands next family reunion and by next Christmas I will be able to take my kids out sledding without having to worry about the sled. So I will be posting my weight and all my information here. It may be embarrassing to see and share where I am at now, but I know I will feel better as I am able to share the good news as I go down. This will keep me honest as I face good days and days when I fall and need to be picked back up.

Well with that all said here I go with the hard part.. my starting weight. I was shocked when I saw it as I don't feel like I have become this big but I guess you miss things when you are not focused on yourself and I need to change that in part so that I can be here for my kids as they grow. So my starting weight is.... 319.5 pounds. I really wish with a number like that that we had a biggest loser here in Canada for me to try and go on as I am sure they would be able to help get my body unstuck. If anyone hears about it being done up here please let me know so I can try that out if this doesn't work.

Well I am off to spend sometime on our new Wii and get some exercise before I head to be. I love that I have this in the house to help out with my goals for the year. On the 20th I will be getting yet another Gym pass in hopes that this time works.

Wish me Luck