Day 26

I can't help but continue to feel sad today. It's not that today was bad or that I was over whelmed with anything. As a matter of fact it was a very relaxing day. There were no flower deliveries so I didn't have to rush off anywhere, Mike let me sleep in and even made me breakfast in bed but I just couldn't shake the blues. I ate without caring what I was eating or counting what it was worth until of course now when I decided that I couldn't let myself down like this just because I am feeling down. I just wish I could shake this feeling. Is it because Mike is going back to work on wednesday and the freedom he offered me while he was home this past year will be gone? Is it because my birthday is coming up, or that my baby turns one this month? Maybe it is that Ben turns 11 in 2 days and it makes me feel a little older? Maybe I am just missing my girlfriends back in Alberta, my best friends who have shared in most of my good and bad things but can't be here for this journey. Not that I don't have great friends here that I cherish with all my heart but sometimes you just need those friends around who have been there since it seems like the world began. Maybe it is all of it at once or none of it at the same time. I just can't settle it down which makes it harder to fix. How do you make yourself feel better when you are not sure why you feel bad to begin with?? Maybe I am just missing my Grandma who's birthday is the same day as Ben's and I just need to feel sad right now so that I can be happy when the 2nd rolls around. I think I will keep track of what I eat but I am not going to put too much pressure on myself during this time to make sure that I am perfect that was I can get back on track easier as I start to get better. I knew it would be hard when I went through tough times... I just need to focus on something positive right now and that will be the fact that I am keeping track and still writing here. Plus I have lost 13.1 pounds and that is great. I have a wonderful family with great kids and I will be okay. Yep I will be okay and I will keep reminding myself of that when it seems hopeless.

Test

Ok I am playing around on my blog trying to get a few ideas on how to make it more interesting for me to do and maybe for you to read... more for me as I think I have let myself become bored with it and that will not help with my goals.... so here goes the testing.....Play Emoticon


Play Wink

Day 24 and 25

Okay I started posting 24 last night and fell asleep on the keyboard so I am redoing it with todays where I don't have a million OOOOO's to delete LOL!

So yesterday I had an okay day but had to get past the worst junk food craving I have ever had, including when I was pregnant. Mike had picked up some lunch size chips for the kids at school and when I took a look at them each bag was worth 4 points and so I had a few with Tommy and the craving is gone. I was still able to stay with in my points and that is good.

As for today I have been having an emotional problem. I have been feeling sad all day and I am not 100% sure why. I haven't really wanted to eat much but I feel hungry all the time. I ate my food and still felt hungry and of course we have discovered I am an emotional eater so feeling hungry all the time and not wanting to eat has led me to snacking food. Now I have been pretty good, but I did go over my points a little because I enjoyed a Sugar Cookie made by Josh who was practicing for his valentines he is making for his friends. And of course I have chocolate chips for when I make some cookies for snacks. And even though I wasn't too bad I feel almost worst now because I feel like I let myself down. I have missed 2 posts and I seem to have stepped backwards. Maybe it is the birthday blues... maybe stress and feeling over whelmed as I deal with my sister asking to be able to stay here longer and I am not sure if the strain on the utility bills can handle it. Of course while this is going on Mike heads back to work on Wednesday which will mean I will be going back to handling this all on my own and with my camera broken my one way for creative expression that I could do during this crazy life of mine is gone. Then I read back on my thoughts and feel like I am a whinny brat who is selfish and wanting new toys like a camera when there are more important things that I need. Ugh this crazy emotional rollercoaster I seem to put myself on. Ok... I am going to shut my head down some how and go to sleep.... wish me luck.

Day 23 and good news

So today is Wednesday and the day that my mom does her weigh in at the local weight watchers group because she needs the actual human boost every week to keep this going. If that works for her great, everyone is different. The thing is that she does not like to go alone and needs that little extra support and even though I am a paid online member I can not go sit in on the group lessons. So today she paid so I could go with her and since I am paying might as well use their scale and I found out that my sisters scale that I used yesterday because my mom was out of town is off ( even if it is digital) because I lost an extra 2.6 making my total this week 5 pounds and my total loss in the past 3 weeks up to 13.1 pounds!!! I am so excited!!! I celebrated with a night out at a Mary Kay party where I had a mini glam makeover. I don't like the mascara but the rest is really nice. No matter how good the products it felt good to be on the right track still. I didn't even really munch on the goodies because I felt so good. I split a butter tart with another person so that I wouldn't want one anymore. I have more hope that I might be able to lose the weight this time. I got back into walking today and I think next week will be just as good. Well off to wash all this stuff off my face and head to bed. A good night sleep would be great as I did not get one the night before.

Day 22

Okay so if anyone knows their numbers they noticed I missed day 21.... well I got lost in the TV movie "The Last Templar" and when it was over I crashed in bed and didn't think about my post until this morning but didn't have time as I was working in the flower shop this morning helping out with the arrangements while Sharon is out of town. I had a blast in the shop and I think my arrangements turned out ok although I was stressed about if I was putting to many flowers in for the value ordered or if I wasn't putting in enough. I think I will put more effort into learning that part of the flower business.

Anyways for those math buffs out there yes today was also weigh in day. Actually you don't need to be a math buff. just a Biggest Loser fan and you would know that today is the day I weigh myself as well. So do I drag it on and make everyone wait until the end to find out what my week was like or just jump to it...... ok I am jumping... Literally jumping!!! My weight today is 309lbs meaning my weeks loss is 2.4 lbs and my total to date is 10.4 LBS!!!!!! I love that I have hit that mark already and that so far I have not gone into the panic mode. I have been taking exercise slower than I use to and I don't know if that is good or not but I am going to be picking that up more this week. I think my goal will be to make sure I do my walking everyday but to also get 30 minutes hard work in on the Wii. I am excited that maybe this time things are going to be different. This time I might be able to reach my goals... It makes me happy and more motivated. Maybe I don't need the biggest loser ranch after all.

Well my nightly wake-up call has come early. Poor little Cloe is teething hard and just can't sleep through it even with pain killers. My heart aches for her right now. I wish I could make it better.

Day 20

So I had a good day. I did go over my food points but I had planned for that with having breakfast out as the end to my date with my hubby. I am glad that it still seems to have gone so well with the planning I did a head of time. I really don't have much to say today as I said a lot earlier when I had to repost day 19. I am hoping that I get another good night sleep tonight but not expecting it since we are back home with the kids.

Day 19 redone :o)

So I am here in our hotel room after a really good night sleep for the first time in a long time. I have my sisters little notebook so I wasn't having to take my bigger one for doing my weight watchers tracking or my blog post so that even with a night out I don't fall short of my goals. Well she has been having troubles finding the right keyboard language so that she can use the right keys and if you look at the post I tried last night some funky letters came up. I spent some time this morning and I think I have fixed her problem.... we will have to wait and see but I can post so that is good.

So yesterday was a long day. I was so excited about going out that it seemed to me that everything was taking for ever and that the minutes were hours. The kids seemed extra whinny and I thought for sure I was going to lose my mind before I could even get to the evening. I was extra careful with what I ate making sure that I would be able to eat what I wanted at our dinner and show. I wanted to make sure I would be able to enjoy the evening without any worries and it worked. We went to dinner with friends where I was able to enjoy steak and baked potato with all the toppings and then we headed over to the Waddling Duck for a night of Improv and dessert. I had the best brownie and ice cream treat and laughed until my entire body ached. It was soo much fun and not once did I have to worry or even think about how all of this would effect my goals because I had preplanned for it. It was GREAT!! The next Improv night is in March and I am looking forward to going again and enjoying myself more because I know I will be fine. I am actually looking forward to my weigh in this week because after a bad week last week and the struggles I went through I have done 100% better this week.

Ok I have done better with the food.... exercise that is a whole different matter. Trying to find the time between all I do to fit in the extra exercise has been hard. I didn't make it for most of my walks with Sandy so far and that makes me sad. I am hoping that with a better plan in place that we can fix that problem for next week and start really getting ourselves on track. For now I am going to pack up our stuff (the great part of being in a hotel in the same city you live.... not much luggage) and get ready to head home so we can get the kids and ourselves ready for church. I want to sent a big thanks out to Tami for giving us this night. It really means a lot to have you as a sister who is willing to do things like this.. even when it involves 8 kids ;o)