Starting From Scratch

So it has been a while since I have posted on my blog. 

I talked about the struggles I had gone through and how I was working on changing my point of view, mostly of myself.

It has not been easy.

Many things happened that seemed to push me back down.

Things have been falling apart around me, both figuratively and literally.

This Is our main storage building the day it caved in from snow on March 15 at around 9:30 pm.

This picture is the only way I could see what happened it was so dark outside.

This is a Panaramic view of what I am dealing with now that the snow is melting. Taken on April 26th at around 10 am.

I feel like this building somedays.

It was just snow, light fluffy snow that did this.
At first it wasn't too bad, but all those tiny snowflakes kept falling and falling.

They sat on top of eachother and the pile got higher and higher until just one snowflake too much, the building couldn't take it anymore and it collasped.

If we had been able to help the building by shoveling it off so the load wasn't so heavy, it would still be standing today.

However, we were unable to do that because it was not safe to go on that roof.

You see there was an existing hole in the roof from many years of neglect before we acquired it. 

This photo was taken March 10, 2015 when we first looked at the place.

It needed love, and literally some support built up so it could have the strength to stand on its own during the downpour of snow.

I wanted to do it right away, something more important was always pushed ahead of that plan. 

They were not unimportant things, they were actually very important, Windows replaced to save the other buildings from the weather and keep us warm. Doors replaced on those same other buildings so that we could be secure, wiring put in so we could cook, and so on, and so on, and so on.

The building was so big and strong on the outside, it could handle waiting right?

I mean, doesn't it look strong to you too?

How could we have known?

Now we have even more work a head of us as we start from scratch to build up new buildings to replace everything this one did for us.

So this is how I feel about myself.

I work on things that are more important, kids, family, work, and more because I can wait, I am not as important.

I am not saying I am not important, but never placed myself above other things, and I find I still don't do that.

So the snowflakes keep falling on me and every once in a while someone will come along and help clean them off a little, but the snow keeps falling.

Things not under my control keep happening, and I forget to ask for help, or clean it off myself so the weight is not so heavy.

It takes me feeling like I am almost going to break to remember to take care of my mental health as well.

I have spent over 40 years of my life in that pattern, changing it is not easy, but I truly hope one day I will surprise myself.

Until then, know that somedays I am like that building, appearing strong on the outside, but barely holding it together on the inside, and a moment of help to clear some of that snow is always appreciated.