What More Can I Do??

Ok it is no secret that I struggle with organization and maintaining a super clean home. There are times when I get so over whelmed that I have to take some time off and just let it go and then get a fresh start the next day. I struggle teaching my kids skills that I too am just learning sometimes. So this year I was starting our home our fresh. I have been giving paint touch-up to those places that need it and spent hours sorting through the kids toys and finding the right bins to buy and place all those little things into. Cleaning out those clutter corners and spots that everyone else thinks is a good place to just put things when they clean because they don't want to walk to where the stuff goes. I think my home is starting to look like a place where I can feel like I don't need to feel uncomfortable having people just show up to visit. I was feeling really great about it. Yesterday Mike mopped all the floors except our bedroom and I thought this looks so nice in here. Then my landlady showed up to do an inspection of things needing to get fixed so she could send the list to the owner who STILL won't let them come in and do the repairs. I am feeling pretty great. Sure I haven't finished priming the window in my bedroom from the black hand prints that where put there with my good oil paints 3-4 years again, and all the bed sheets were getting washed. Sam hadn't cleaned under his bed yet.. but really. So many minor things... at least to me. As she is leaving she turns to me and says to me that I have a lot of cleaning to do and I better make sure it is done in too weeks for another inspection with her boss, oh and make sure the beds are made. What!?! First of all I didn't think I could get judged from my landlord on whether or not my beds were made?? Isn't that something child welfare is to concerned with? Am I just not seeing how bad this house really is? Am I what is called clutter blind? How can I feel so good about myself and my home one second and then so low? What it they are looking for in a house of 6 kids? I was folding laundry on the toyroom floor, should I be doing it right into the kids drawers even though they are all different rooms through the house? I can barely move where the washer and dryer are to wash the clothes let alone fold them there! I know I have used beds and dressers, that my stuff in my house doesn't look like it was just bought and delivered. We LIVE in our home. I was once told by a child welfare worker when they cam to help us as we struggled with Sam that if they ever came into my home and saw it looking perfect they would worry about child neglect. Maybe I need to have her here with me when these people who expect such a perfect house when they come back in 2 weeks. I know there are those of you out there who seem to have it all together with lots and kids and have these amazing homes as well and how there are times I wish I could be like you. The truth is I am not and this is one of my many struggles. I can do sooo many amazing things with these amazing talents I have, and I know and enjoy every one of my kids and they talk to me about those things that most kids don't tell their parents about. I know of Ben and his heartache when his first girlfriend broke up with him and how sad that made him. I know how Josh feels like the cast away at school as he watches all these people with tons of friends walk by laughing about some inside joke that he feels is about him. I know of Sam's Joy over having his first really good friend this year and that he now has 2 of them. I know how Matt wants to be top of his class and sometimes finds it hard to let others be first. I know how proud Tom is to be talking better and having people at school understand him more and more each day and the frustration when they don't. I know how lonely Claudia is when her brothers are gone and the happiness when they return. I know how She loves to play tea with anyone that she can get to sit down with her. Do these thing not mean more than having a perfect house? I having the walls go unwashed for a couple of days as I help kids who are struggling with homework and heal broken hearts a bad thing? What I need to learn is how to not let those people who don't see those things get to me, but how when they control whether or not I have a home to raise these precious kids in. So I am going to share the peaceful picture I took on Sunday of the moon just as the sun was setting and I am going to keep that in my mind as I try to get over the disappointment I feel right now.