My Crazy Life: Family and Art

So my Aunt ML came to town for a short visit.. and I only saw her for an even shorter time as she spent most of her few days out this way at crystal lake with my Mom, Josh, Matt, and girls (not including Claudia). It was great seeing her but sad too as we just didn't have enough time to do much are say anything. I am really missing being able to just sit down and chat with her like I normally do when I take my annual road trip. I am missing all my friends and family that I usually see this time of year more than ever. Sunny is having baby number four this August and I was suppose to be there during that time and would of been able to catch them. Ruth had cute little Cathrine over a year ago and I still have yet to see her and not seeing Ruth for 2 years is hard as well. And Crystal who ended up in the hospital this past month and almost died on us has been over 2 years as well. We were suppose to be heading out for a family reunion this year but because things are tough on everyone it was postponed. I am grateful because then we won't be missing everyone... but sad because we are missing everyone :( The worst part is that I think this stress is getting to Mike even more than it is to me. He is changing into to the guy I don't know... He is Angry most of the time now and so hateful to me and the kids. He has said that he wishes he could just be like his buddies at work who don't have families or the responsibilities it has brought. He is saying things and words that the kids are catching on. He is behaving like some teenage kid who is rebelling against everything. But he is mean,, so mean about it all. I just don't know what to do, it causes fights, because he wants me to back him up with the kids but how do I do that when I don't agree with what he is doing? Things are just getting worse and how do I raise 5 boys to be honorable young men and some day husbands with this kind of influence? And then I give myself the guilt trips for even thinking that way because we are commanded to keep our families together and that Satan will try everything to tear us apart. But can I do this on my own when m husband is the problem I need to solve? Where do I go from here? I talk and talk and really try to talk to Mike about all of this be takes it all as me attacking him and calling him a loser and he gets worse. I am so confused and that just makes me miss my friends and family more as I could really use their support right now as I struggle with this. I don't know, maybe that is part of my test too... maybe I shouldn't even be writing this here but I just can't keep it all inside anymore. I have been trying hard to still keep things good for the kids even though I feel this way. I am not great at it and Ben has been a great helper when he senses I am having a bad day, Josh as well. I have been trying to still do activities with the kids trough the summer like we usually would of done, but it is hard. Still this past weekend I took the 4 kids I had at home to Kids Art Days down at the 2 rivers gallery and we had a blast. We did have to leave in the middle for a flower delivery but we came back and finished up. It made for a great day with the perfect end of ice cream and movies later on with My aunt before she headed home today. So I am going to end this post on a good note and share some of the fun we had with the photos I took and I will look forward to having a better day tomorrow. I truly hope.

Tommy making his bracelet