Just because...

Ok really I don`t have much to blog about other than to do it because I can and should. It is something I said I would do... I need to get back into doing regular things after so many years of things being up in the air.
It is nice to have the house back to just our family, but boy does it show how I got out of routine too because it seemed so pointless for so long. Ugh is it hard to get back. It was great to have the entire family being able to go to church today. The morning time and costco having changed sunday schedule to 2:15 in stead of 11:45. It feels good to have Mike going again and to see him getting his spirit fed as he is a calmer person at home.... however we learned through someones talk that we can not have peace in chaos which is sooo true. So this week we are really going to buckle down and get some peace brought back into this house. The want is there but where do I find the will when all I feel like doing when I look at all the disorganization that has occurred and want to bury my head in the sand and pretend it is not there? I will find it... Shiney sinks right ;) It will come to me as I get back into all my routines including regular personal prayer and scripture reading. I have a sneaking feeling that will really help. The really scary part is that I need to get it organized quickly as I have been called as Relief Society Secretary and I don't feel I can do my best in that calling if I am not doing my best in my home.
I am so excited and nervous about this calling all at the same time. The one and only time I have had a call that included anything to do with adults was a brief one where I was a Relief Society teacher many moons ago. Yep we are talking many kids ago and I was such a nervous reck then because I didn't know how I was going to teach these amazing woman who have had so much more experience than I have with all things I was teaching... and it was only a small branch with 4 to 5 other people in the room. Crazy eh. But like I said I am excited too as I take on a new journey and it is another motivator to get my life in order which is what I, in a way, have been praying for. The Lord answers in mysterious ways right. LOL. So here I sit now thinking about a talk that seemed to be inspired to speak to me and a new calling that seems to be pushing me and a home that is screaming for peace, So tomorrow I will get started, more than just the babysteps that I will use to keep on track, but really get started on bringing that peace into my home, for my kids, my husband, but in a most selfish way for me. I guess I need to sit down now and make a game plan....
Well it is getting late and if I am going to be able to get started tomorrow I should probably start with a good nights sleep. So I will end with a couple of pictures I took playing around with the camera settings and my kids who seem to Love being my test subjects.

(this is Mike trying to cheer up a teething Cloe.. those 2 year molars are a real pain)

Some Photo Fun

So I have been trying to make sure I do my homework earlier this week and just thought I would get one and share some of what I have taken Since Sunday. Input would be great as I try to decided which ones to hand in.

Hmmm... Starting at day 1 .. again.

So I suspect that as we as a family get use to being in this routine that there maybe a couple more start backs. Getting 8 people organized into the same thing is not an easy task. I think I took it for granted that it seemed to be going so well at first... yep that is because it was new and then the "boring" repetition kicked in and the kids and Mike not so eager anymore. So I spent a couple of days being a little extra busy so I couldn't "help" everyone else with their little bits around the house and my shiny sink fell in a matter of 2 days! Dishes being piled in it and I just wanted to scream, but then I remembered that it takes time and practice to really make a habit so we started over again. Yep that means today we shined the sink again... the whole routine. It was nice though because it wasn't as hard this time as it didn't get as bad as it was the first time. The dishes are not everywhere this time either or piled so high that I swear we could touch heaven. Nope just a small blip in getting things back into a routine so we start again and we will continue to do that until we have everything under control no matter how long it takes.

So I have started my photography course and even tried to do my first weeks assignments. It would help if 1. we had better sun for the light comparison pictures, and 2. I had my own car to drive to the place I know would be the best spots for taking the pics we are being asked of. I have taken a few though and even though I am not completely happy with them, I am enjoying myself. the 2 pics included with this post are a couple of my assignment picture (hence the writing at the bottom that I could take off for just this but then that wouldn't be real right?). Anyways I wasn't expecting to learn as much as I did in the first class as it is Digital Photography for Beginners, but I learned so much about the basics of my camera that I really feel I will get my moneys worth out of this course. I will also never use my auto setting on my cameras ever again unless I am having someone else take the pictures. Vague recalls of the course I took back in grade 8 are coming back with this one so I am really looking forward to what else I can learn. I do wish I had a friend taking it with me as that would make it even more fun. Oh well time to go. need to get the photos emailed to my teacher.

Forgiveness and trust?

I love my family, I really do. There are times I have to remind myself that I do, but really I do but when do you draw the line? I had mentioned before that I let them come and stay when they needed a place. I have given them food when they were hungry, and helped with money when we could afford it and at some times when we could not but they were in great need. But when they turn around and lie to you, or abuse your willingness to help to the point where it costs you emotionally, financially and such when do you draw the line? When they tell you something and you can feel with everything in you and your common sense says it's a lie do you confront them and have them lie to you more and turn into a big fight as they defend what they know is a lie and you know is a lie but they can't let themselves admit it because of pride and self preservation where do you draw the line? I understand that no one is perfect and I don't expect them to be, heck I am as far from perfect as a person can get sometimes and I love them no matter what, but when do you say enough is enough? When someone has continued to lie and cheat you and because it it your kids as well and they can't face that they have this problem when do you draw the line and say enough is enough? We are suppose to forgive 70 x 7 or more if needed, but how do you forgive someone while still having doubts if they mean their apologies or not help them again because you are pretty sure it will happen again? If you don't help doesn't that mean that you don't truly forgive them because you don't have that trust? This something I have struggled with my whole life to understand. And here I am in this same story again but different situation. And as you can see here I am finding myself pondering these questions again. The people concerned will be sorry, they will make attempts to make it better and mean it, they might even succeed in fixing this one like they have with others but what do I do? Ugh! It is at times like these that I wish I was the type of person to write other people off and never talk to them again. That would make this so much easier I think, lonely, but easier.

Procrastination...

So According to FlyLady today is Anti-Procrastination day. As I look around my house (and have a mini blow out with my hubby about it) we have procrastinated many things for so many different excuses. The main one is that we are always so busy. With 6 kids how could one not be busy, plus of course I was working 3 jobs, and had a calling as a cub leader and sooo much more that I let get in the way of keeping my family under control so we could have a good spirit here. The worst one of course is that we have had other people sharing our home for the past almost 4 years. There has always been someone who needs a place to stay or somewhere to store their stuff and I have always said yes. Weare suppose to be giving and such so I always felt it was my duty to say yes. Have we not been told since we were kids "If ye have done unto the lest of these my brothren, ye have done it unto me" So with that in mind how do you say no?? But then we also comanded to keep our families in order with peace and the spirit... so where do you stop with the one so that it does not affect the other? I have obviously waited to long to say no. So I am doing the work now. It all seems so over whelming. I still haven't pu away Christmas! Mind you last year we kept the tree up till almost december, but it was fake and didn't leave a mess of needles everywhere. So of course now I have an even bigger mess to clean up as I pack it all away. So was it worth it to have put it off? Of course I know this a head of time and still do it... ugh!
So here I am trying to figure out the best way to attack my mess and thinking about how many other things in our lives are affected by the same thing?How many times have I set aside my scripture reading time thinking I will get to it later because the kids are awake early, or late or other such reasons? How many times have I shorted myself on the blessings of a full prayer because I felt I had to rush so just did the 2 second standard instead of actually talking top my Father in Heaven? And you know you can find any excuse to put of doing exercise if you let it get in the way. Any small excuse can seem important at the time but when you look back think how stupid it was really. Kind of what Mike and I were fighting about today. We are trying to get the house under control including the dishes so the rule is if the pot (or ginormous bowl we used) is done soaking under the tap as we run the dishwasher it quickly gets washed instead of being put aside to be washed later. It is something we have to reteach ourselves to do as all of our many excuses got us out of that habit. So say something to him about the bowl he dumped this morning and set aside so he could use the sink and he flips and starts telling me how he didn't have time to wash it because he had to get kids ready and such. Less than a minute to wash the darn thing but he didn't have time? That is when it hit me on how bad we had really become with our ability to procrastinate. So how do we get back to not doing that without killing eachother is my new question to solve as I feel so angry about how my hardwork seems to get tossed to the side when there seems to be a good excuse. If this is how Heavenly father feels everytime I put off my proper prayer or reading my scriptures or any of the other small things he has asked then I am truely sorry and will try so much more now to not find excuses. The plus to that being that I will find the blessings that go along with it that I have been missing.

Getting Dressed?

So Day 2 with Fly lady is getting dressed to laced up... which means you get up and do your morning stuff and get dressed, with your face and hair and even your running shoe (or other shoes of your choice on.) So I know this going to Bed last night, I know this when Mike's alarm goes off and I had originally planed to get up to take my shower, and I continued to know this as I got up and threw on my house coat and made lunches for the kids and got them off to school, and then as I sat down on the couch and checked my email, and facebook and did exactly as I wasn't suppose to do. I just wanted to take a shower first and since the washing machine was going I couldn't take one... It ended up being noon (well 11:30 plusish) before I took my shower and got dressed for the day. Uhm probably not the point of the exercise... plus I hate wearing shoes and socks so I skipped that too :S Yep not a great day in those terms, but in terms of doing my 15 minute jobs, and keeping my sink clean it was AWESOME!!!! My dishes are all stacked neatly instead of a huge all over the many counters of my kitchen making them look like more work than thy really are (which of course leads to not wanting to do them). I know some people are like "you have that many dirty dishes?" Well you live in a house with 8+ people most of the time and then get sick or be in a car accident where you can't move for a while and see how your dishes pile up.... it's not just then.. when I was working it was o hard to keep up on anything in the house. These baby steps help me get back into the routine and order for the day and get my life back under control. It really makes me think that I was not ment to be working through all this crazy thing called having kids. The extra money was nice, but I am not sure if it was worth it now. Anyways Back to my having a way to go me moment. But the thing is t wasn't just me.. Mike helped today! It was so nice to have him working with me on the stuff around the house. He is as bad as the kids sometimes getting lost in the Wii, or computer games and such and I feel like I have to be a mother to my husband to get him to do even a simple thing like change over the dishwasher. Is this even nice to write on here, but if it is how I feel and this is suppose to be about me, is it wrong? I am not saying he is this horrible person at all... just that I think he longs for the times when he didn't have so much responsibility sometimes. However today was not one of those days. The 15 minute timer worked for him too as he didn't feel like we had to clean the whole house at once so he was more willing to help out. So one down only 6 more to go to get our family back on track :) Joking aside it was nice to feel like a partner again.. it has been so long. I really do love and appreciate him alot.
On another side not today.... Claudia has been going through and independent stage where she wants to do EVERYTHING herself. Not usually bad until t comes to makes dinners and your baby girl is screaming at you because she wants to cut the veggies too... anyways this as also led to her potty training herself her way. So I had to take a pic and share it with you of my little independent girl, who did her own hair, washed her own face, dressed her own clothes and goes potty in the big potty with the seat up like her brothers. Oh how I love her and her brilliant mind. I can't believe she will be 2 in just over a month!

Shine Your Sink!

Day 1 of going on Fly lady to try and get my house in order and it is to Shine your sink.. not just wash it up but bleach and scrub and buff and the whole thing! It is quite the process but oh so nice to see when you get done! If you want to know all the steps yourself, then head here and check it out for yourself. The adventures I faced today with getting this one thing done makes this feat mean all the more to me.

First of all it was told to me by more than one person that we were out of bleach... well need that for laundry as well so I had to go pick some of that up. Now pay day is not until friday so we just have a small amount of money to get us through left. So my brilliant idea was to get my bottle from a dollar store, bleach is bleach right? Well first one we go to did NOT have any, we thought that's ok maybe they are just out so we headed to another one... guess what AGAIN no bleach! It's a CONSPIRACY!! I want to get on track and the stores are all against me!! Not only that but my bank was too! went to Save-on to get food and such and guess what even though I had money in my account the machine kept saying "insuficant funds" WHAT!!!??!!! OMGosh WHY!?! so I phone to check and because I had used my card to buy the money order for rent that morning as managent was stopping by I had used up my spending limit for the day. How could I have forgotten about that dumb limit on my card? Really and why is there a limt on how much of MY money that I can spend everyday? Is that not up to me and not my bank?? Apparently not. So I have to run to a bank machine... Ugh.. yah all this so I can have bleach to wash and shine my sink and when I get home, and after I have fed and sent the kiddies to bed, I go under my sink to get out the other supplies and right there in the front is ...... a ...... big...... NEVER OPENED.... bottle of ....... BLEACH!!! Oh well, so now there is 2 in the house and I have my sink done. Here a is a pic to enjoy... Now to head to bed and get some good rest.... wish me Luck! Tomorrow is day 2 and I guess I will be lacing my shoes ;)

Good Night

Resolutions

So I was rereading my last post and realized that I got a little sidetracked on what I was posting about. It did feel really good to get all of that off my chest though. I had a good cry, again, and felt better. Mind you the next day I had a cold so I felt icky again but not the same kind. So today I am going to get back to what I was posting and that is what I want to accomplish in this New Year.

1. Reclaim My Home!!!
Over the past few years as one person or another has needed a place to stay or store their stuff for a time my stuff and space and cleaning has gone down the tubes. It is hard to want to clean when you have no where to put anything so no matter how much work you do everything still looks like a MESS!! Ok and yes I have 6 wonderful kids you have fun making messes but don't like the cleaning part either. This has always been a weak spot for me even as a kid. Oh how I envy those people who have great organizing skills. I would settle for skills kinda in the middle. :S So I have joined flylady.net (again as I did this years ago and it was great until things got away from me again). Babysteps through the year will help keep me focused and by next January I will be able to look at my home and feel GREAT! I will keep everyone posted on my daily trials as we go along.

2. Learn Something New!
I have an art course sitting in my home that has been here for a year and a half with hardly any lessons done, So I will complete a lesson a month. I will update that progress and the end of every month. This will actually start in February as January will be focused on reclaiming some space that is just for me to do this work in. It will be fun! Also I have decided that since I can no longer work as a flower delivery driver due to that lack of a economic vehicle (driving my beast of a van around would cost way more than I would make) I am going to take some small photography classes throughout the year. These will happen as classes are available.. the first starts next Monday and goes for 6 weeks. It is a weekly class with assignments that will help me get better acquainted with my camera so I can take the shots I so desperately want to take and can't seem to get right. I will post my homework here and then share the outcome each week as I learn more to make it all better.

3. Solve My Weight Issues!!!!
Now I am not the type of person who usually looks down on myself as for the most part I think I am a fairly great person.. not perfect, but I try everyday to improve. But the issues facing my body are getting wildly out of control! I am going to get my doctors more involved so that everything else I am going to do will not seem like nothing. Last year I had started on weight watchers and it was going well but as my weight started to stop going down no matter what I did and then going up I lost hope and that is not a good place to be in. I had thought that by keeping a daily journal here I would keep on track better but as I got more and more disappointed the less I wanted to write, So the cycle needs to stop. So we are going to solve the medical issues that have my body gaining weight when I start to lose it, and I am going to get into better habits at home because no matter what my body is doing I still need to be healthy in my choices. I am going to get the Biggest Loser for the Wii I think for my birthday gift to myself to help out with this next month but for now I will use the workout dvd I have to try and get into good habits before I spend that kind of money. My goal is to lose at least 50lbs this year. I think it is not to bad a number as that is just 1lb a week and that seems doable (is that even really a word?)

4. Keep in better contact with my Friends and Family :)
I am the WORST penpal in the WORLD!! I have great intentions, but the follow through SUCKS! So every week I am going to sit down a flip through my address book and randomly pick out someone to write a letter to, or send a card. Not only does this make me feel better inside but best part is someone every week is going to know I love them! I will also write on here at least 4 times a week if not more (have to keep posted on my goals so that I can keep track for me) but it shares my little crazy life with those who read this. Not that I am expecting lots of readers... everyone is busy with their own lives but it is kinda nice to know that maybe someone spent a little time with me even if we can't really be together.

So there you have it... my goals this year. Some are everyday things and some are not but all will help make me feel like the person I know I am but can't seem to find right now because of one thing or another. I know this will be fun even if I do have moments where I just want to give up.. when I look back I will cherish it all.. but for now I have to start.. so tomorrow is the beginning... the rest of tonight is dedicated to homework to make tomorrow be easier... (A Sorry no pictures this time as I am on my son's computer tonight while Cloe plays barbie on hers)

Happy New Year!

It has been forever since I posted here. Why? Well the reasons could be the same old kids, work, busy life, and so on but really I think it s that I became lazy about it and let the excuses happen. I forgot about my goal to remember myself throughout last year and so many of the things I was doing to make me feel happier I let go, well this year I am going to make that my resolution again. I am going to have the doctors help me with this infernal weight issue that I can't seem to get under control, I am going to really do the art schooling that I love to do, I am going to take those photography courses, even if they are just small ones for now so that I can improve on a talent and hobby that I love. So many bad things happened to our family at the end of the year that I realized that I really need to do that small focus on me so that I can feel stronger in the tough times.

Let me explain more. The family had decided that instead of bunch of gifts under the tree we would take any Christmas money that came in as well as our own and get a big screen TV for our home. There was a sale on in November so we picked it up early and began enjoying it. It was a 50 inch plasma and so much nicer than the 20 inch we have been using that just didn't work well for our large family. We enjoyed it with all of our favorite DVD's (of which I am an avid collector) and it was nice. On Dec 12 we had 2 Christmas parties to go to. The ward party was at 5pm and the Costco Kids (for the kids of the employee's) started at 6pm. I worked all day that day and got home with 10 minutes to get ready, get Claudia ready and run out the door. We had already decided to head to the Costco one a little late so we could enjoy the good meal with the ward. As I quickly ran through the house turning off lights and checking everything I forgot to check the back door. I headed off to my 4 hours of fun with the kids. We had a blast. Good Food, Good Friends, Roller Skating, and Santa. When we came home I looked around and thought that the kids had really done a number on the house while I was working and that we had a big job ahead of us, didn't think twice about it as I was in such a rush earlier that I figured I didn't notice. Then my friend Sandy stopped by to drop off the nativity movie the primary kids had made and everyone recieved a copy of but we missed getting it because we left early so we could get to the other party. I was grateful and the kids excited. They ran downstairs to get the TV ready for watching it. I chatted with Sandy a few more minutes and we were fighting with the door knob (which acts up a lot in the winter) and we were in the process of sending Ben out the back door to try opening up the front the outside when Josh came running up the stairs and asks me "Mom where's the TV?" I said downstairs on the wall, he told me no so I went to go check and there it was, the wall mount empty along with most of our shelves where the dvd's were and the room just torn apart, then I clue in the the house wasn't that messy earlier but trashed. I was mortified! I came back upstairs shaking and in shock. Sandy offered to stay as I called the police but it was late for her so I told her I would be fine. I was told they would be here in about Half and hour (no rush the damage was already done right) so I called Mike who called up our good friends Connie and Al and they all showed up to help out as we struggled through the whole thing. The kids all went to sleep in my bed as none of them wanted to be downstairs, or alone. It was nice to watch them all cuddle together. When the officer showed up we walked through the house but you want to know the bonus for robbers hitting a house with so many kids is that there are kid finger prints EVERYWHERE!! which means that none (if they left any) fingerprints of theirs are viable. So brilliant (guess if I ever go into the robbery business I will have to remember that)! There were footprints through the backyard, about size 12 and the officer took pics but they walked the stuff out the backdoor (now I wish I had checked the back door, was it unlocked as there was no forced entry, or did the copy keys from when my purse was stolen 2 months ago but returned the next day?) and down to the ally and either loaded them into a truck or to a house close by but since that is where the tracks ended as cars had driven out back since then, there was no way of knowing which. It hits me then too that I didn't have to shut off the alarm when I cam home... Ugh, there are people here so often that coming home to that is normal.. the power is completely cut off to it and the panel broken... WHY? The neighbors of course didn't think any of extra people at my house as we always have extras here. Great! The police suspect that it is someone who knows my house but who? They ask me if there is anyone I can think of and of course who thinks that kind of thing about their friends? So I say no, they ask if I am sure I don't have any enemies out there, I said I have a friend who owes me $40 for a broken vaccum but that is the worst there is, isn't it? I am not sure now, how can you trust people after something like this happens to you? But I still didn't think she had anything to do with it.. to steal something from a friend because you owe them money is crazy, So I say still no. I never gave a name to anyone and the officer seemed skeptical about that, but accepted it. Was I wrong, I don't know now. Al said I should of considered it more as maybe I don't know my friends as well as I thought I did, which I have come to learn through this whole thing. Anyways everyone goes home, and we try to sleep. This was on a saturday of course. The Sunday we started the clean up, My step Dad Bill took the kids to church, except Sam and Claudia who were very clingy (Sam had had a nightmare where someone had broken into the house and kidnapped him) We cleaned up a little, discovered that some of the stuff we tought were missing weren't, just tossed under stuff (my computer was one of them, thank heavens as my online backup is full and I have pictures I can't replace on here) I put the short ribs on the cook I had bought the saturday and was trying to make it feel like a home still. Then the silliest thing was discovered, not only had the theives taken our new TV that we had only been able to enjoy for 3 weeks, and over 500 of my DVD collection, but the Banana Cream Pie Matt had picked out from a local bakery for Sunday Night dinner dessert! Poor Matt was so sad... I promised to pick up a new one on monday for the family to enjoy. So much for keeping Sunday as normal as possible.

So Monday rolls around, I deal a few people over the break in including where we got the TV from as we had purchased insurance to cover for this type of thing. Of course we find out that it only takes effect when there is forceful entry ( Why oh why didn't I check that door??!!??) But with the alarm system being shut off and broken we might beable to still have it covered... but we have have to wait for head office to decide on that one. Great! I do my deliveries for flowers. Cloe and Tommy come along. As I am driving back from a delivery on the Hart Highway to pick up kids at school and go to another delivery I have an accident. Not just a minor thing, a full blown never in my life done accident. I was on a straigh stretch of road near the mohawk gas station. I follow all the rules, I am not speeding, I have 3 to 4 seconds distance between me and the next car, everything is smooth sailing. I peek into my rear view mirror at the kids as one had screamed, I look back and the car infront of me has stopped to turn into the gas station, OMGosh! I put on the brakes, I am still going, I go to move into the other lane, there is a car there! I am still sliding, I am not slowing down, it is happening so fast, but so slow... I am going to hit the car, please heavenly father let no one get hurt. There is a bang... no noise, everything is white for a second... then I smell it, smoke and Claudia starts to scream... again so slow, but so fast too... I should be hurt but Cloe is screaming, now Thomas, there's smoke, get the kids out, jump out and get the kids out is all I can think. Make sure they are ok, they are screaming, CRAP I have the truck full of boxes of stuff to take to the school, please oh please tell me that my kids are not hurt... the door is stuck. Come on Dyanne, you are stronger than most people get the door open! I push hard and I know it shouldn't be opening but it is.... push unlock.. you need to unlock the doors. Open the door, ok kids aren't squished, just foamies on them that I had put on top that I use for transporting the flowers. There is still smoke, get the kids out! Tommy first, he is closer. He is scared but okay, no blood, all body parts moving. The other driver comes over, older lady, she is walking, she seems okay no blood, she helps with Tommy while I scramble to get Cloe out. No blood, Scared she is just scared. She can move all her body parts. A man comes over, He grabs Tommy from the lady, she is starting to hurt... Cloe is clinging, we have to get off the road, wait I need my phone so I can call for help. I go to open the front door again, geez it is hard.. the front is pushed over the front door, I shouldn't have been able to open the door, I bent the metal getting out. I grab my phone it fell on the floor on the passengers side and we get off the road. There is an A&W right there at the gas station. I carry Cloe over, the man has Tommy, the lady is walking ok but she seems a little sore, shouldn't I hurt? We get inside and sit the kds down, Now I am shaking, I can't stop shaking, I can't think straight... the kids are fine, calm them down so I can think, call 911. I can't think, The man offers to make the call for me, he uses my phone, he didn't see the accident but stopped to help, thank heaven for Angels sent when we need them. Ok, kids, calm the kids, feed them, that will work. I buy a twin burger set, fries and chocolate milk. they are fine. Marilyn is the name of the lady, she is the sister or Barb who works at one of the shops. She is slowly starting to hurt more, Why don't I hurt.. wait my knee hurts, it is a little banged up but fine... shouldn't I hurt? I am still shaking, she goes out to look at the cars. I sit down with the kids.. they are fine, OMGosh they are fine... I am crying now, they are fine. How did it happen? I didn't slow down? ..... So yah it seems by reading my thoughts as it all happened that it was like half an hour or so of time, but everything that happened was less than 10 minutes. Like I said it seemed to move so slow but be so fast at the same time. When Marilyn came back I let her use my phone she caled her sister, I went out and looked at the cars. The police were there by then. I talked to them I took a picture of each of the cars on my phone and I went back to the kids. I called Tami to come get me. And she left work a little early to come. My car is dead... gone, yep nothing left of my motor at all... There is no way I will ever be driving that car again. I am sad, but the kids are fine. we get checked over by the paramedics, I now find out that because I was having such a high adrenalin rush from not only having to worry about my safty, but the kids as well that is the reason I am not feeling any pain. Tami shows up, we get the accident report, we head out. A teacher drove the kids home from school, so we quickly go and finish the deliveries I had for the day and inform the owners that I probably won't be delivering for a little while as I now have no car. I go home and try to sleep and rest that night of which of course I can't but the kids are fine. They sleep with us that night, and they have been a little more clingy since but they weren't hurt at all and I and so grateful everyday that heavenly father was looking out for them like that. Mind you the next morning and since then I have been in such pain... you know the kind where you spent an entire day working out in a gym and now every muscle in your body hurts.. even your fingers and toes? Yep my entire body hurt. It s better now, but if I do too much then it hts me all over again.

Wow I am making this a long post... I guess that is what happenes when you have a lot happen to you. Anyways to make a long story short... I have survived the worst ending to a year I could imagine, with a great Christmas, thanks to friends and family. An wonderful New Years Eve... and the joy of knowing that I still have all my kids with me which is the gift I could of recieved this year. So I start this New Year out with knowing that I need to do somethings for me so I can be a better mom to my kids, and stick with it, and gratful that even though they may have their moments, my kids are still with me here on earth so I can see their smiles everyday.

I will post pics from Christmas and such either later tonight or tomorrow. but for now enjoy the Christmas card I made up for this year that I was never able to get into the mail.

Thanks everyone for being a part of my life. I truely love you all.