Weigh In Wednesday and What I am learning about me

So Today was that day again.

You know part of me looks forward to Wednesdays and part of me dreads it.

The part of me that looks forward is the one that knows that by doing this I am working towards a healthier me. I have done somethings right this past week and I want to see and share the joy.

The other part of me that doesn't wants to fudge the scale.. hold on to the towel rack while standing on it so that takes a few pounds off. (P.S. the kids did an experiment with this and you can loose 5 pounds instantly by just resting your fingers tips on the towel rack when weighing yourself... tempting isn't it)

I don't want to tell people that I sucked this week.

That is part of the point of this really. I have to be accountable good, or bad for what I did during the week.

Did I do my exercising?

Did I keep on track with my food?

Did I eat too much?

Did I let stress get the best of me?

And the list goes on and on and on. Really when your woman does it ever end?

So today I do my usually, get up and get Ben off to papers and then go into the bathroom and weigh myself. I worked hard this past weekend lifting and moving things for a few hours each day as I helped a friend move..

That should be a good eh..

weight coming off there....

BUT!!!!

I did make a pan of brownies yesterday with the thought in mind that it would be for the kids and then ate half of it!

Seriously I never eat half a pan of anything What the Hey?!?

Then last night I start talking to my Mom and I start going off about something that is really making me upset...

I mean shaking and need to throw something mad.

I have lost my desire to even attend something I love now because of this.

Why in heavens name am I keeping this bottled up?

Well the person I am mad at is someone I am suppose to be respectful of because of the who this person is. And for the most part I do and think this person is great but the few things this person has done are so major in my eyes that it is hard to forget and move on.

Then another person is telling to cut my passion for something I am doing down and just do it their way.

WHAT!!?!!

I am not suppose to love what I am doing and put my all into it?

I keep these bottled up.

I eat them away.

I don't feel like I have the right to tell these people who are seniors and such over me that what they are doing is makes me feel like crap or is wrong.

They should know it is wrong by the position they hold right?

Service to others is what I have been taught is the first over everything we do in this life.

Did Brigham Young not stop conference in the middle to help the saints caught by the winter?

Is this not the example we should be following?

So yes I missed conference this past weekend to help a 65 year old lady move from one run down, unsafe, unhealthy apartment into a much better one that will improve her life a 1000 times over.

Is this not why we have conference on the web now to watch when needed?

So that if a person in need of service comes up we can still watch later and receive those blessings?

Hmmm maybe I am still upset...

not sure that is going away anytime soon actually.

So instead of really facing this I ate a half pan of fatty, sugary, brownies.

Yeah, I need to really learn to face what I am feeling more directly than sabotaging myself like this.

So all that hard work and keeping on track last week went to waste over this one moment.

Now I am not saying it was a complete lost cause but I feel it is close in a way.

So down to the big number...

my weight this week is...

309.8

hmmmmm 1.2 lbs from last week.

How can I take that instant 5 lbs off again?

Like I said this is really starting to make me face my demons that I keep tucked away inside.

When I am done this journey not only will I look HOT,

but I will just a beautiful on this inside and I will glow with the love I have for myself.

So my total weight loss since starting this way back when is 15.8lbs

Hmmm I think I am going to really focus on things better this week.. even with Thanksgiving.

Oh and I read somewhere that if I start jogging just 5 minutes a day for the next little while that I will eventually be able to go longer. Now I have never been a runner of ANY kind because I have let asthma get in my way.

Hmm More excuses... not this week I will walk slow for 5 min then brisk for 5 then jog for 5 then brisk for 5 then slow for 10.

That gives me half an hour I am setting aside to make myself better than I ever was.

Feels good to schedule me time in there.

Oh and lets not forget to add a picture in ;)

I did not take this one so I take no credit for it but I love and have it as my background on my laptop.

It was passed around facebook and now I am sharing it here.

Enjoy.