In My Opinion

Yesterday on facebook my friend Christine shared a link by the staff at MSN that I just had to respond to here. It was about how we are all being judged on how we parent our kids. Now I am not saying they are not aloud to their thoughts and opinions on the matter but having now gone through 6 completely different types of kids, from the all star who is.amazingly responsible, to the challenging who doesn't know how to handle the world and how they think, to the calmest most easy going kid I have ever come across. I think I have had a small taste of what all the kids out there in the world have to offer and with that experience I would like to share what I think of each of these things we are being judged on. First of all here is the link to the article that I am commenting on for you to check out and then come see what I am thinking and then please tell me what you think. I may be off the mark too, every kid and parent is different.

http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/family-parenting/moms-dads/gallery.aspx?cp-documentid=24052444

"1.Kids in nice restaurants - We get that kids these days have more adventurous, expansive palates than generations past. But when we're shelling out a full day's pay to savour a meal at a nice restaurant, we're not going to be happy if the musical accompaniment is the rhythm of your kid banging his cutlery on the table. He may be a musical prodigy, but to us it's just a migraine waiting to happen.
Along those lines, bad behaviour doesn't belong in family restaurants either. Climbing over the booth to stare at us or playing "tag" around the tables are behaviours best left at home."

So I am guessing that they people don't have any idea what it like to have too much coming at you all at once and not to be able to tune it out. Now I do agree that kids should behave well in restaurants but they can not learn what that means if they are never exposed to it. Sam is my amazing miracle child who has over come soo much stuff already in his 9 years of life. He once described his mind like a thousand TVs all playing at the same time and not being able to tune any of them out. He sometimes has to do something to gain control of his mind so he can focus. those something have ranged from shredding the napkins, opening all the sugar packages, to yes banging his spoon and fork on his dishes. He is not doing it to upset everyone else he is doing it to gain control over his mind so he can handle being there around all of you. Everyone of the conversations in the restaurant, every click of the forks and knives on the plates every step, every flicker of light every color in enhanced a million times over in his head and he doesn't want to be apart of all your lives.. just his. It makes life hard and frustrating for us parents who have no idea how to help and teach our kid how to handle society when society makes it harder for them because of their judgements? Instead of quiet negative comments (which by the way with kids like Sam they hear all your whispers even from across the room) or glares that they see and gets them more frustrated how about showing some compassion, maybe even ask how you can help so that the parent can control their stress level and think better. Please don't think that your the only ones uncomfortable by the whole thing. It would of been a lot easier to just stay home but then Sam would never learn how to handle you all as an adult and that would be even more dangerous.

"2. The food you feed your child - Hot dogs are a choking hazard unless you cut them properly (and they're full of nitrates, sodium and additives, to boot). How 'bout a salad instead of an order of fries the size of your child's head? And isn't the caffeine in your Frappuccino going to stunt your baby's growth?"
I 100% agree with this comment especially the coffee part of it, however, have you ever looked at the cost of ordering your kid a salad as apposed to fries? Have you ever lived on so little money that just being able to by your kids something to eat was better than nothing? Fries for a $1 will put something in your kids stomach when you don't have the $2 for the salad because you made sure to pay your rent so they could have a warm place to sleep. I would love to be able to feed my kids the best foods in the world and to never had tasted the junk out there but in reality until the world makes healthy food cheaper than junk there is not much we can do. Also sometimes you get kids who wont eat anything else (knock on wood none of mine are like that. ) but I have some friends who are struggling to get their kids to eat anything because they wont and would rather starve than eat something they don't think they would like. This is where I would love for there to be a free group for parents to take their kids to that may help the parents introduce their kids to new foods in a creative way. No pressure just fun. Kids respond better to that.

"3. Massive strollers that clog the sidewalk like human cholesterol"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!! First us Moms are judged on being over weight because getting to the Gym some days is near impossible and when we do find a way to get our exercise in you feel you have the right to judge us.. maybe it is time for you to get a freaking life. Have you ever heard of GOING AROUND!?! GET OVER IT!!



"4. Kids on planes - The only thing worse than getting on a plane and seeing a young child in your row is when said child starts screaming. They will fall asleep - but only when you're landing and you have to manoeuvre over them to get out of the row to disembark."

OK I have never taken my kids on a plane 1. because we have never had enough money and 2. I prefer travelling by van and interacting with my kids while we drive. However, I have taken little ones on a bus before and I can say it was not easy. You have to remember for that kid it is probably something new and they are probably going somewhere they are excited about. Little bodies can't hold their excitement as well as you can. Have some patience and I recommend channeling your inner child and have some fun with them. I bet you will have one of the best flights you can remember. I would also like you to remember what I wrote in regards to the first question.. you may have one of those kids on your hands and kindness goes a lot further than contempt.

"5. Public tantrums - While we understand temper tantrums can happen anywhere, and at any time, that doesn't make it OK for you to stand there looking embarrassed while your kid bangs his head repeatedly against the supermarket floor because you said "no" to the Frosted Flakes. You're the parent. And your child is not a side show (though we're averting our eyes, we're still watching them ... and judging you). Abandon the shopping cart and take your kid outside, please. At least till they calm down."

I have been one of those parents who has sat down crying in the middle of the mall because I couldn't figure out what was wrong, or for that matter crying at the store in the middle of an isle because I said no to something they wanted. I have sat outside Sam's kindergarten class just holding him trying to keep him safe from himself while he punched and kicked me until he could gain control. It still brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. Tantrums are never an easy thing to deal with as a parent whether your kid has special needs or just wants extra attention. We ache inside from the fear we are failing as parents, from embarrassment because why can't our kids just be calm, from a lot more pain than outsiders can understand. There is nothing you can do sometimes. Taking them out of the store would be great but most of the time you are on such a time crunch that you don't have that luxury. I know you feel uncomfortable but really try and understand just a little of what the parent is feeling and maybe next time instead of looking at them like they are a failure, offer them a kind smile of understanding, sometimes that's all they will need to find their strength and carry on.

"6. How you discipline - Along that vein, screaming and smacking your kids to get them in line just makes us uncomfortable. So does putting them down. If that's what you do in public, we're fearful of what's going on at home." 

I agree with this... not that it is easy as a parent to not want to do this, but it is not right. However if other were more understanding about training kids other ways and didn't judge when kids cried for us saying no then we might have less parents trying to control their kids with violence just to keep them quiet and you happy.

"7. Germy kids - Flu season is bad enough. But even our best hand-washing efforts only go so far when your germy kid is coughing and sneezing all over everything. Leave them at home please. Or teach them some hygiene - sleeve sneezing, washing their hands, etc. Thanks!"


OK You have NO idea how much we as parents would like for them to do those things too, but a 2 year old will sneeze into the open air because they have sooo many things they are already trying to remember, like how to talk, plus you know how you think things are funny when you get someone a little irritated by something you did, well they think it is even funnier and will do it again just for that. Next time politely offer a tissue or remind them. On the point of view of the difficult kid, Sam, he did stuff like that just to get your attention. He knows but is looking for some reason to release his building frustration over all the noise going through his head that he is hoping for you to comment on it. He will then take that as it is ok to blow up. He is tons better now and is truly understanding how gross that is just to get attention, but his poor teacher had it rough. You are welcome to move somewhere else but patience is the only thing that helped teach Sam and so we ask for yours too.

"8. Soothers/old teddy bears/natty security blankets - Keep those nasty specimens in the crib where they belong."

OK, Thankfully, none of my kids went through this stage, but I bring up this question.... Which would you rather have these things or the screaming kids you have bashed in all the previous posts? Really you can't have it both ways.

"9. Clothing choices - From four-year-olds in skanky Halloween costumes to bundling up your baby in a snowsuit when the temperature is 10 degrees Celsius, there's no end to the ridiculous ways you dress your kids. Don't even get us started on over-the-top safety gear (though we do agree helmets are a must when playing sports, but perhaps not for baby around the house).
What your child leaves the house in is a reflection on you. Think about it next time they're getting dressed."

OK first of all, do you honestly think that if we can barely get a shower everyday, we care what our kids clothing reflects on you? Seriously people, we are just so happy that they dressed themselves that we are willing to let them go out like that. it is almost as happy a moment as when they are finally potty trained! No more having to fight with them to get them dressed because they are putting both legs in the same pants hole or they don't want to have you put a shirt over their head. The relief of having them do it on their own and the Joy, the pure Joy they have for being independent trumps any worry of how you might think of us. Really when we became parents, most of stop caring then, 4 years later or more really isn't going to change that. Actually I lie, it does change.. we careless later than at first because we have already gone through that many years of being sleep deprived. And for those who may be over dressed, are you seriously judging parents for caring as well. this statement seems to say that we parents will never win anyway because you will judge us if we don't care enough and you will judge us if we care too much. So I say we don't care about what you think.

"10. Kids out too late - When we were kids, we remember our parents making us go to bed before it got dark out in the summer. But whether it's the late show at the multiplex, the all-night Walmart or a Vegas casino (yes, we witnessed this!), dragging your zombie child around half-asleep at inappropriate hours is tantamount to child abuse in our opinion."


I agree that kids should not be out to late, but too late depends on your family situation. If your a single parent who works 2 jobs and has already exhausted your babysitting options while you work then taking your kids with you to get the shopping done late at night because that is the only time you have IS NOT CHILD ABUSE!! Seriously people. You don't know why the kids are out late. If the parent is taking the kids to the late show we can sit back and think it is wrong.. but what if the reason they are there is to have a moment to escape and that moment saved that kids life because the parent was getting so over whelmed that they couldn't take it anymore? There are more and more stories of this happening everyday. Parents need stress relief and because so many others are only worried about themselves and not about helping out. We have free rides for those who drink so we can save lives by them not driving home drunk but we need a free on call babysitting service as well for those who need a break. EVERYONE has some kind of problems and need some escape. Maybe instead of judging those who have to take their kids out late, you can support and volunteer in a service to give those parents a break so they can get the shopping done. Also maybe the kids who are out at the movie late with a parent is enjoying the only time they get together. You never know why someone else is doing something unless you have walked in their shoes.

"11. Crazy schedules that impact everyone else - Nap time. Lunch that needs to be eaten between 11:15 and 11:38 sharp or junior will get a stomach ache. Dinner at 4:30. Bath time at 6:15 followed by bed at 7 p.m. and not a second later. We get kids need routine but we don't want to have to stick to your crazy schedule to see you. Does it really matter if the kid goes to bed 30 minutes late every once in a blue moon?"


Is it just me or is this a complaint that is the complete opposite of what you judged us for in that past post? So you have judged on us not having a schedule and now judging on us on having one? Really is there making you people happy? Schedules are there to help us teach our kids everything you have just complained about. If you are feeling put out because we are keeping our kids in line then you are more than welcome to go find someone else to hang out with. This routine is even more important for parents with special needs kids. We already are feeling looked down upon, please don't come around and make us feel bad for doing something right. Without these routines these kids would be running wild in the streets.

"12. Kids on leashes - Enough said."


Really not enough said. Have you not been reading the paper or hearing the news lately? Have you seen or heard the statistics of kids being abducted or going missing everyday? If not then let me enlighten you; In the year 2007 there were in Canada 56 kidnapped kids; 285 Parental abducted kids; 46,189 runaways; 11,216 UNKNOWN cases of missing kids; 33 cases of accidental disappearances but nobody has been recovered; 576 kids that have just wandered off because they got confused; 2,227 other cases making a total of 60,582 MISSING KIDS.  And that was the stat 3 years ago... Where did I get my info well your welcome to go here to check for yourself.
So yeah Kids on leashes.. Enough said!!
"13. Breastfeeding for too long - If they're old enough to ask for a snack, feed them something else."


Now here I will admit to being one of the people who has judged others a little bit on this. Not that I don't think everyone has a right to their choice, but it was uncomfortable for all of Ben's kindergarten class (which was split with some grade one) to have a parent show up every snack and lunch time to breast feed her son. I feel that was a little overboard. But it is not my place to tell others what they should or should not be doing with their own kids. I don't know or live in their shoes. I will say that I did breast feed each of my kids, some only 4 months for one reason or another and some up to 8 months. Each kid was different, and the same is true for every family.

So there you have it, my thoughts on what others judge us parents for. You may or may not disagree but that's the point, we all have differencing opinions and we should respect others for it and try to make life easier instead of harder. What do you think?