Day 50

So I am slowly beginning to have some time to get back on more often. Today was nice as I was able to post a few new photos to my facebook account. My Mother gave me a new camera for my birthday and I took some time to play with it. What I haven't had time to do is to keep up with tracking my food like I usually do. I am hoping that I will be able to get back on track this week. I will make sure I get back to tracking and posting everyday here again to help get me back on track. I also start swimming everyday tomorrow as well as getting my walking in when I can. Sandy and I just keep having troubles getting together because of kids and schedules. I just have the one thing holding me back from being able to do all the things I need to do like my blog ever night and such and that is everyone else telling me or demanding me to not take this small amount of time to focus on myself so I can get better. Not that I am sick in the traditional way but I am tired, I am sad, and I try hard to like myself but at times I feel like a stranger in my own body. How do I keep going and doing what I am suppose to do to get myself Mentally and physically healthy when I have people like my husband telling to do it later knowing that later never comes because he doesn't want to stop doing his games on the computer and he only sees this as some trivial hobby that is a waste of my time? I don't think he means to be unsupportive, but he doesn't try to be supportive either. Some suggestions on how to handle this problem so that I can get through this problem would be great... I can keep going on with the sadness this creates for me.

Day 47.... Pizza and Movie Night :o)

So I again have been so busy and I have to admit the nightly pill that my doctor has me trying out at night to help with my headaches has me sleeping a little better so I crash after I get my stuff done and never quite make it here. My headaches are not as bad now either, it is nice. However I am probably not getting all the sleep she would like me to be having as I still sleep light enough to wake up with the kids and every small thing. Oh if only I could be like Mike and sleep through it all!!

So to catch-up Wednesday I did my weigh in and yep I had gained some weight back.. not a lot just 1.6 pounds making my total weight loss down to 13.9. I was sad, but knew that the lack of exercise I was able to do, plus not keeping track of what I was eating was not going to be good. It made me feel a little sad and wish I was one of those lucky people who could just eat and not worry and then I remembered that really there are a lot of us out there and that I am not the only one who has to work at this. I just didn't realise how much work this was going to be. I am grateful that I did not gain more weight and really need to buckle down with getting to work on this. This is not going to be like school where I could just coast on through and be okay... this is going to require work.

Speaking of school, I also need to buckle down with that now that I am done with Valentines day and birthdays and everything else that makes the beginning of February crazy for us. I haven't even cracked open lesson two except to break the seal on it.

I am also going to pick up some cheap black sheets at walmart this week and try out some new photography ideas I came across. I lucked out and found my friend who is a photographer that I lost the phone number for when I delivered flowers to her house for valentines day. She is going to teach me everything I don't know about my camera and techniques that will make my photos better. It makes me excited the things I can learn and accomplish. I was looking at some of the cards in the flower shop today while I was picking up my deliveries and a local person had taken some of their photos and put them on cards and Sharon was selling them. They were good but when I was looking at them I could think of ones I have that would of looked so much nicer. Maybe that is the way I am suppose to go with a future career, but with my love of learning I can't just drop everything and focus just on that. Now if only I could get my spelling and grammer to match all this information and knowledge trapped in my mind. Oh well I will just remain to be a silent genius that sneaks bits of wisdom in here and there when it is needed. LOL!

So other events of the week are that my baby girl turned 1!! She truly amazes me everyday with what she does and learns. She talks basic words and is even starting to call Ben by name along with mom and dad and other simple words. She understands everything you say and responds with what she thinks is clear words as well as gestures that make it easy to understand what she wants until her other words come clear. She dances all the time and she sings!! She loves singing. She is starting to be a little less girly with not wanting her hair done so perfectly anymore, but done quickly because she has to see what Tommy or any of her other brothers are doing so she can learn. Today I was shocked completely when after her bath she saw Tommy sitting on his potty and when he was done she wanted to. I figured.. hey why not, the introduction to the potty early might help her later on... well if the girl didn't go Poo in the Potty!!! I tried to cheer for her but she just looked at me like "Mom, what's the big deal?" Now she is not ready for complete potty training but her interest and ability to understand what needs to be done will make it happen a lot sooner than her brothers trained. It makes me sad because she is rushing this growing up this and with her being my last I really wanted to take that last chance to enjoy it all. Oh well, they have there own ideas of when they want to accomplish things and hers is faster than mine.

Well tonight was our weekly movie night, every Friday we do this as a family and enjoy just sitting around. The kids didn't think it was right not to do this without Mike now that he works Fridays, but we can't stay up like this on a school night so we are going to have to figure something else to do on a family night with Mike... unfortunately Mike and the boys are too competetive to have a games night, but maybe we could do a swimming night... it would tire the kids out so they would sleep better that night and we can have lots of fun doing it. Hmmm I will run it past Mike and see what he says. His days off are Wednesday and Thursday so it will be a challenge.

Well I better go, kids are sleeping and if I want to get some rest I should probably head that way myself. Have a good one :)

Day 44

Well It has been a Long week with sick kids and myself, plus flower deliveries for valentines days and feeding the world... well just my family but with them all here it feels like the world. I haven't had much time to myself to even think it seems let alone post here or track my food very well. I feel sad that I ended up putting my self on the back burner like that after I had such a great week the week before. But really when life hits like that with 6 kids plus 2 others living in this house what else can I do? So I am not expecting much tomorrow when it comes to weighing in but I can hope for something. Maybe not I haven't had time to put in the work needed... but maybe all the flower deliveries I did made up for that. Well my small moment is over.. supper (which is late) is done and I need to feed the kids then rush them off to bed. If someone has a time slowing machine please send it my way I could use a slower pace right now.

Day 37 just a touch late....

So I ment to post last night but I ended up spending a couple of hours trying to get my 25 random things tag finally completed and crashed as soon as I was done. So just to add to the post I will include what I wrote in my facebook note here at the end.

So yesterday was the big day.. time to find out if I managed to lose some weight after I gained that little bit... well... Yep!! I actually lose another 3 pounds bringing my total to 15.5 pounds since I started. I am excited that I managed to do that!! But I have to admit I celebrated it in the wrong way .... It was cookie making day for the kids lunches and I make the original Oatmeal cookies for them not the light ones because they need the extra fat. So I was good I didn't eat a ton of dough.. just a taste to make sure I had added everything and then I chewed my gum... Yes gum is my best friend right now. I made dinner, and I was really good and stuck to the plan and the points but I had a cookie for dessert. Now I was satisfied at this point.... but I really am addicted to my cookies so I told myself I have a few extra points for the week.. one more won't hurt...and then another and... oh yah another ..... and you guessed it one more!! 5 COOKIES!!!!! I am in big trouble now!! So I have a plan to make up for this... I am going to do an extra 5 points worth of exercise everyday for the next 5 days (one for each 5 point cookie) and earn my way back to being on track... And next time I make cookies I am going to start with a batch of the ones that I can eat more of and not feel so guilty about.

So that was yesterday and here as promised is my 25 Random Facts about me... Enjoy!

Okay tag I'm it over and over again so I am taking a time out of my crazy life to do this.... I am sure most people know all these things but hey... you wanted to know them again. Oh and yah the rules are if I tag you you need to write 25 things about your self and 25 other people you want to know 25 things about..blah blah blah... how many times have we read these so far?

1. I Loved being pregnant and going through Labour. It wasn't hard for me and by the time Claudia came around I was the person they used for training new Doctors as I knew more about what was going on and most people don't have babies as fast as I did.... first one was 1 hour 27 min.

2. I Love reading but rarely have time to sit down to read any of the books I want. When I do get started my poor husband and kids fend for themselves for a day as I read from start to end as I fear I will never get back to the book if I don't

3. I Love taking pictures! If you look at my photo album here on facebook I have pages upon pages but I am very critical of anything I do and that creates a fear of trying to go further than doing this for fun.

4. I love do art work of any kind but haven't had much of a chance to do anything for a long time. I am currently taking an art course through the mail and it took me 7 months to finish lesson one because I lack time.

5. I love scrap booking but can not justify spending all that money on the supplies.

6. I am addicted to my own Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies!! I think they are the best and could eat an entire batch in one sitting if I let myself. My grandma and I made up the recipe when I was 6 because I didn't want a birthday cake that year.

7.I love learning new things!! I can't afford to go to any official classes but I buy books and study many different things from HTML to Photoshop to house repairs.

8. I read any books my kids want to read first so that I know what they are are reading but also so that we can have long conversations about the books because I think they have this amazing insight into everything.

9. I only wanted to have 2 kids growing up and changed my mind after I had my first one.

10. I love to use my imagination. I make life more interesting as often as I can, but my favorite will always be when Wayna and I played Indiana Jones on Lunch break from school one day and jumped over a pit of snakes and fought off the huge spider that lives beside the TD bank in Cardston... Hey Wayna still have your whip handy? LOL

11. I am an avid collector of all kinds of movies but musicals like My Fair Lady and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang will always be my favorites

12. I am actually a very shy person at heart but my love for drama keeps me from being a recluse. I think the great friends I have made over te years have helped to.

13. I do much of my work late at night as I feel the day time is for my kids, which means if you come to my house come to visit me your welcome anytime, but if you want to visit my house make an appointment.

14. I love to help other people when ever I can but have to be careful not to over book myself as I have a talent for doing that and then have to work extra to get it all done on time.

15. I actually enjoy most sports but HATE watching them on tv most times. I find the noise over the TV set almost as annoying as nails on a chalk board.

16. My biggest pet peeve is people who chew with their mouths open!! If I wanted to see what your food looks like while you chew it I would put it in a blender and the sound people make while chewing it makes me want to throw up!!

17. I am a mild Claustrophobic. I can't stand turtle neck shirts or inclosed places that I can't see the way out of right away, but I spend most of my nights squished between kids and Mike.

18. I have vivid, but CRAZY dreams. To me they all seem very really at the time and I have woke-up still talking like it is happening until I realize how crazy I sound and the ideas are.. including one where my husband used a spare dog muzzle he found to keep his face warm and turned into a half dog man himself.... Did I mention they are crazy?

19. I am not a dog fan. I probably will never own one as I am secretly terrified of the bigger after being bitten by a big black dog when I was just a kid delivering fliers and the little yappy ones annoy me, But I love giving the dogs that come to the door when I deliver flowers a good scratch.

20. I Love snakes and reptiles! I don't have any in the house at the moment but plan to get some as soon as my kids are old enough. I also love catching and looking at bugs with my boys.

21. I have a fear of being bitten by bugs which makes #20 seem weird. I am allergic to mosquito bites and have not really been bitten by many other bugs so I am afraid of being bitten and finding out that they will kill me.

22. I love dancing! I have always wanted to take all the different kinds of dance lessons and hope to start with some ballroom this year... maybe next year.

23. I am a great procrastinator but hate being late. I can put off anything including all my paper work, but when it comes to getting anywhere I want to be early or stay home if it wouldn't happen

24. I Love horror movies but can longer watch them like I use to because since becoming a mom afterwards I would dream the main parts of the movies and my kids would be the victims.

25. it took me 2 hours to write this post with all the interruptions from kids, hubby and other family members.

Day 36

So today was a long slow yet busy day. It seemed that at the beginning of the day I could not keep up with all the appointments I had, the dentist, the doctor, walking, taking Ben to the bank, fixing problems with the news paper, filling out and faxing the USC papers for the kids so on and so forth, but after supper it seemed to just slow right down.... maybe it was because I was so tired from the busy day. But I have to tell you I feel better as a person today. We have been so down with finances that I have been putting the kids first when it comes to almost anything including Dental Health. So it has been over 6 years since I have had a cleaning done on my teeth.. to be honest I aam surprised I still have teeth with all the abuse I put them through, but I do. Now I do have some work to do but it is not as much as I thought and Ones that I though I would have to lose turns out I jst have cracked fillings and other such things. But what I am getting at is what a boost that simple thing did for me. I feel like I am treating myself the way I should, like I am the royal princess I tell Claudia all us women are. I also talked to my doctor about these headaches and sleeplessness I have been going through and that made me feel like I really am starting to really take care of myself. The Blood work she ordered wasn't so fun but hey good health has it pains. But seriously I really think I let motherhood take over too much of my life and forgot that I need to not only believe I am worth something but I need to treat myself that way too. If I don't can I really expect others too? So I am doing that... I am eating even better than I was before... with bumps here and there but it is getting better, I am walking every week and really working hard on trying to get it everyday, I am taking better care of my health for the rest of my body and that is making me a more confident mom which is giving my kids more. Why I didn't see this before??? well really what mother does? Don't we all start out thinking if we give our kids everything that the sacrifices we do to our selves for it is worth it? well it is but isn't it also worth it to give them a mother for as many years as we can be there for them? Maybe I am wrong , maybe I am a rare person who feels this way and needed to learn the hard way this little lesson. I was always worried that if I did do things for myself tat it would be selfish, and if I went over board with it and forgot about my kids that is exactly what it would be. So that is my big Aha for the day.... that it is okay to find and keep some time for me to treat myself the way I want to be be treated by others... maybe that means I will have a great birthday next year because by then everyone would have caught on to this new trend in my life. So goals for this week are to make sure I get my walking in everyday and to do one small thing for myself everyday... even if it is just as simple as taking 5 minutes and putting some make-up on for that extra pretty feeling. For now though.. bed to attempt to sleep.

Day 35 and birthday take 2

So after the disaster that was my birthday yesterday..(minus the cute little things the kids gave me) everyone decided to try and give it a second go. It wasn't too bad as I enjoyed a luch out with my visiting teachers. I had saved all my points for birthday cake yesterday and such and since I still had them I enjoyed a good dinner out. They took me to the Great Wall where they have one of the best Chinese buffet in town. I was not shy about taking out my book and I wrote down everything I ate and estimated the amount and it was nice. And then tonight I cooked a nice meal and was able to have some quiet time as my hubby took most of the kids to the hockey game with him. He also gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and I feel better. I hate feeling down about myself because then I can't be or do the things I need to. I would of come out it sooner rather than later because I am a strong person but things still sting. I am glad that the other in my life realized this time what they had done and made it better. I makes me feel like people are starting to see me and what I know I am worth. This will help with the mental part of getting my body back to a healthier me.. both inside and out.

Day 34 and Happy Birthday to me......or not

So today was I guess a typical birthday for me.. some of the people in my life seem to have a talent for making sure that I cry every birthday. I am not sure why that is but every year almost without fail, no matter how hard I tell myself I won't let it happen this year, it does. This year I spent my entire birthday cleaning house and cooking food. Oh and birthday cake.. forget that so I stayed right on track with my food points and had no need to dip into my weekly extra... as a matter of fact I had 3.5 points left over that I just didn't even want to touch because I was too sad. Don't get me wrong I don't think my life is all the bad I just have people in it who are more concerned about themselves than they are about other people and it might be nice that at least on my birthday they could get their heads out of their rear ends for just a day to be nice to me when I do so much for them. Of course that has yet to happen. Oh well tomorrow is a new day and I will be ok.

Day 33 was good without much worry!!

Todat was a good day for food and me!! I had a small breakfast as I wasn't hungry for much more and then the tough part came up but I didn't worry about it. Us RS girls took our friend Linda out just to let her know that we care and I did not have a chance to research the food a head of time so There could of been a problem but I followed through with my goals. I had the salad instead of the cream soup, did not stress about the small 3 bite cheese cake dessert and still ate well for supper too. It was nice to have that control today. I love that this food tacking is starting to come easier for myself. Tomorrow is my birthday so I am a little nervous but my co-worker told me her gift to me from her is that for tomorrow only all cake I eat is ZERO points!! Hahaha If only.....

Day 32 Exhausted!!

Okay I missed yesterday but I spent a long night with the pre preps for Ben and Josh going on a ski trip with the school today and the fact they had to be at the school at 7am. Then Claudia didn't sleep well because she cut in 2 more teeth last night. But I did well with food yesterday and even though I went shopping and had to pick up a bunch of treats and goodies for lunches I did well.

As for today I am doing well too. I have enjoyed a few snacks but stayed where I was suppose to with food. Enjoyed a movie night with my kids. I would type more but My eyes are closing and there fore I am going to head to bed now. Chat tomorrow

Day 30 and I have a headache

Ok I don't have a headache because of trying to lose weight, I actually slipped delivering my last set of flowers today and even though I didn't fall I did muck up my neck and now my head is killing me. Of course this happens on the first night Mike is back to work and as much as I love my kids they are not making this any easier. I seem to notice the noise a lot more tonight and I just want to curl up in the corner of the couch with a blanket and ignore it all... that can't happen but boy do I really want to.

As for my weight in today... it was funny I got on the scale and it said 309 and my heart dropped and then my mom said I should try it without my purse LOL!! So I was actually 307 which means I gained .6 pounds this week. Not alot after all the turmoil I put myself through last week I am not surprized and now I am determined to make this week better... just need to get some fresh veggies into the fridge again... good thing tomorrow is pay day.

Well the kids are in bed and I am going to shut things down early. Hopefully I can get rid of the headache.. if not I will go see the chiropractor tomorrow.

Day 29

Okay so normally I would say that to day is weigh in day, but since I found out that the scale here is wrong and I am going to the meetings on Wednesdays with my Mom and I get weighed there That is when I am going to be posting my weight change from now on. I am not expecting a lot of change this week with all the emotional eating I did, but I have a better sense of self after this and I am really learning how to listen to my body and as I grow in this area I will be able to better handle the next round of hormone and emotional changes I go through.

Also as my personal goal to get some of myself back I went out with my friend Jennifer today and had some girl time. We are going to try to get that every month so that we can really keep a sense of who we are as we struggle through our different challenges. She is a great person and enjoys a lot of what I enjoy but she has more time on her hands to find out all the info like when the next play is and so on. She loves to talk as much as I do and so I get great adult conversation when I am with her. It is great to be able to start feeling good about myself as a person again.

Also the big news for the day.... I FINALLY FINISHED LESSON ONE OF MY ART SCHOOL!!! Yes I know I had it as a goal a few weeks back and I came so close but just couldn't get that last leg done... well my Mom took me along to scrapbooking night tonight and since I didn't have anything really set up for doing I grabbed my lesson and we did not leave until it was done, in the envelope and sealed to get dropped in the mail. It is such a great feeling to have that out of the way and be able to move on. I was really starting to feel stuck and with everything else I think I am finally getting out of it.

Well it is late so I am off to bed. It was my last day of freedom before Mike goes back to work tomorrow after enjoying this past year off for parental leave. It will be hard to get back into the routine of not having him around but I think I will be okay now that I feel better about me. Lets see how I feel tomorrow when I have had to put the 6 kids to bed myself while trying to clean the house after making dinner and many of the other things Mike didn't make me worry about these past few weeks as my final rest. Lets hope that sleep is in the cards so I can survive.

Day 28 and I over enjoyed Ben's birthday

Okay Now that I am feeling better I need to really pick things up this next week because With Superbowl yesterday and Ben's birthday today where I enjoyed 2 and a half pieces of Chocolate cake I have a lot of work ahead of me. I am not beating myself up for it or anything that would cause me to feel like giving up and I thank my willingness to let things be over this emotional time. Of course It is not going to be an easy month for temptations and I need to make sure that I don't say heck with it for the whole month or all my hard work will be for nothing. So I need to make sure I plan for everything from this point on. My birthday is on Sunday, Valentines day is 6 days later, and of course my sweet little baby girl turns one on the 19th. It will be a tough month but I have some good support and I think I will make it through and even be able to keep losing weight... even if I don't think week, but I will not put myself through a lot of pressure this time about that. Next week is a whole new situation

Day 27 and I did Superbowl

Okay... watching sports on TV is not one of my favorite things to do.. as a matter of fact I really don't like it at all. I feel if we are going to watch something on tv lets make it something worth while instead of the noise of fans screaming with the slight sound of the commentators trying to keep us in the know. I usually get headaches from the noisy screams and rarely know what is going on. Now football isn't so bad as compared to hockey so I can tolerate it more so I agreed to go watch superbowl with Mike at our friends house. Why not? No kids and some adult conversation which would make up for the sports aspect. So we go and we decide that girls will root for the steelers and the guys the cardinals ( actually the guys didn't give us any choice). Well having someone to share it with and the extra company and I have to admit a really great game made it so fun!! Food wise is another thing but I had promised myself I wasn't going to really worry about it as I just needed to get myself out of the blues and I think this really helped. As a matter of fact I am ready to enjoy Ben's birthday tomorrow and I know I will be fine. I don't have any extra points left so I need to be a really good girl tomorrow in regards to the food but I think I will be fine. Keep it on the lighter side and I will even be able to have some birthday cake. I am so thankful to have great friends all around me and even more so when it comes to my wonderful family. I may not always have to answers or feel the happiest but I have a wonderful life and I wounldn't trade it for anything.