Thanksgiving

So we had a very small Thanksgiving this year. Usually we invite over a lot of friends and family over.. even last year when I was going to have a small just family one we ended up with all the "misfits" as they called themselves over here. It has always been so much fun, but a lot of work. I was extremely sad this year as I had to not even consider having a lot of people over because of the medical issues I have been having. I have been getting a lot of feed back over the fact that I announced it over facebook, a choice I made because it was the best way to let everyone know without making a ton of calls or even text messages. that was the first time I realized how bad this is really affecting.  because of the questions it was also the first time where I began to understand how much I have been putting myself out there for others and not really expecting much back. Not that people haven't offered, but offering, and actually understanding and doing are 2 different things I guess. I guess that when I posted on facebook I guess I expected people to just understand and to know that questioning it and how I did it was putting me under more emotional pressure that added to my stress, which in turn added to my physical pain with my headaches. How could people know that if I didn't tell them, but at the same time it seems so rude and cold to even ask. Maybe that is just me right now as I struggle from day to day just to get out of bed to be a mom because the pain is so blinding most days. I know I make mistakes and I guess my mistake has been not letting more people into my pain... mind you it has seemed like everyone has been so occupied with their issues that hardly anyone has stopped to ask "how are you doing?" The few times I tried to talk to some close friends they shut me down without realizing it and I let them, not wanting to hurt them, but they hurt me. It wasn't fair for either of us. So to those friends I have to say "I need to take a step back" and all of you know who you are, and yes you weren't the only one but I will not discuss the others with you, I am sorry. I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner as that wasn't fair from me, but I can't worry about fair right now. I am not ending the friendships, just taking a step back from people who may not realize how much I worry about not saying the wrong things to because they take them the wrong way, or need too much of my time going over issues in their life which makes me want to help you when I really can't do anything right now. I am sorry. I am sorry for putting this in such a public forum as like I did with facebook but again I can't keep doing the individual conversations anymore as they upset me, they are misunderstood, or the wrong tone is put to them and I am not really being listened to as the offended people are too upset to really understand my point of view.. not that they don't understand my physical problems but not my emotional issues going along with this. They all feel they have been treated unfairly by me, They all tell me they did nothing wrong that this is all my fault, and if that is what you need to feel better then fine I will take it. I still value you all as friends and think you are amazing people that most others in this world might never understand because too many people now a days can't see beyond worldly possessions ans issues. I love you all, but I just can't be the rock or leaning post you need right now as I need to find my own so I can make it through this.
Even with those people who got upset and asked questions we still had a pretty good Thanksgiving here. The pumpkin pie was over cooked, The apple pie decided to try bungee jumping and didn't pull back up before hitting the floor. But it was all still good and tasty. We had a few extra people as our favorite October visitor was here, Judy, Mike's mom. One of the boys friends stopped by just before dinner because he had had his on the Sunday and we always eat on the Monday,the boys invited him to eat with us too. My step dad helped with the kids all day so that I could focus on cooking and he was amazing at peeling and cutting up the veggies. It all help make it so things seemed pretty normal even with all the pain. It was nice and I was really thankful for a great family that I am blessed everyday to call mine. Here are a couple of pictures from Monday's Thanksgiving dinner. Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving!