Yep... crazy to think that I am missing something.
OK not really because seriously how many times have I written about something I miss or something I wish I could do. But this is something that I truly have missed in my life and the difference is big.
What is it already you may ask?
You sure you want to know?
Some people are scared of such things and I will admit to having my moments too. I am not perfect, or even as strong as some people may think I am most days. I am emotional and scared. I hurt and I am shy at times. But it's who I am and that is what makes me special.
Why would I be so scared of doing something I miss?
Well having mentioned before that darn parasite that knocked my family down to its knees this past summer, I am afraid of being judged, I am afraid of people not talking to me because they are afraid. I am terrified of feeling alone and looked down on for something I had no control over. I am afraid of the looks I will get when my children misbehave because they have had a long rough summer and are so full of raw emotions too that they can't keep it all in. I am scared of how I will feel when my kids behave badly. I am scared I will not be welcomed back. The crazy thing is that I know in my mind that I have no real reason to be scared because there are so many amazing people and friends there and even if there are those odd few I am not forgotten or unloved and even if I was there is one person who matters more than the others who will gladly welcome me back with open arms, but I am still scared.
So are you going crazy trying to figure out what it is that I am talking about or have you figured it out?
If you haven't I will tell you.
It is going back to church.
Such a small thing and yet so important to my life.
Why haven't we been going you are wondering if the kids can go to school and summer camps for this past month?
Well it is because of other peoples fears.
Understand now why I am afraid?
Maybe not, it seems silly to be not doing something because someone else is afraid.
You see even though we have been cleared to go out as long as we wash ourselves, especially our hands before we go until the house is cleared (furniture gone and having gone bleach WILD, etc.) from this parasite, they were afraid of their kids getting it. I was called by the bishop the week that we were cleared to leave and he asked me some questions and I was so excited to be going.. I even had most of the kids ready for church already. But then the question came and when he asked it my heart sank. I put on a brave face over the phone but I was dieing inside. Was my house cleared yet? No. It wasn't. That was before we found out we had to get rid of the furniture. So it has been a long time.since we have been there.
Was that a fair thing to be asked of us?
It felt like no but really yes it was. I would NEVER wish upon any parent the sight of their kid in the hospital with 2 IVs and oxygen. I would of been scared too if I was on the other side of the fence.
So the furniture is gone and starting to be replaced. The bleaching is done and burned our eyes. Is my house spotless and sparkly?? NO I have 6 kids are you crazy!!they lived in the cleaned rooms while I worked on the others... I suspect I will never have a home that will be spot lighted in Better Homes and Gardens, but we are happy, and healthy and glad to be able to go back to church.
What I find fun is that this Sunday is National Go Back To Church Day. So if you haven't been in a while for one reason or another, think it over. And watch this video, it might just inspire you.
1 comment:
having been there before, I understand. Go anyway, understand that they are afraid and don't understand and ignore it. They will stop being afraid and will be fine in just a little bit. Remember people are afraid of what they don't understand and while you do because of the situation, they do not unless you educate them. Since education cannot happen without you being there... finally, just go. It will be alright.
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